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a kiss with a saber is better than bisection

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The battle had been going well and was just about at the mop-up stage before a familiar storm of concentrated fury appeared, aiming directly for Obi-Wan at full speed.


“You!” Maul howled, launching himself at him like a black and red tornado. Obi-Wan left the squad of clones he was with to handle the remaining droids in favor of darting off to the side, drawing Maul away from them.


“Me,” he agreed with a charming smile and a twirl of his blade that never failed to annoy his most frequent opponent.


“I thought I was special!” Maul accused, leaping forward to slash at him viciously. “I thought we had something! And then I find out you’ve been playing around with some- some pathetic darksider weaklings again?! I am a Sith, your Ultimate Nemesis, how could you possibly hope to replace me?!” 


Obi-Wan danced out of the way, feinting to the left. “I can have more than one nemesis, you know,” he chided with a strike that almost seared through Maul’s sleeve.


“I was there first, you filthy cheater!” Maul snarled at him over their locked blades, before throwing him away with a strong Force-shove.


“Now really, my dear, they are the ones who come after me, ” Obi-Wan pointed out, landing with an infuriating amount of grace and deftly parrying a flurry of blows. “And I’ll have you know that you’re not the first darksider I’ve encountered, though certainly the first Sith.”


Maul disengaged long enough to redirect a wave of blaster bolts aimed in his direction away before prowling forward, teeth bared in the scowl he reserved just for Obi-Wan. “Those feckless cowards could never so much as dream of matching my strength. I, Maul, am the only one who can show you the true power of the Dark Side!” 


Obi-Wan smirked and beckoned to him with a flourish of his saber. “Come, then, and show me this so-called power of yours.”

“Hey Echo,” Wooley hissed, nudging him with his elbow. “You getting this? I’m definitely gonna win this round of the pool.”


“Him calling the General a “filthy cheater” does not count as confirmation of them being exes,” Echo replied, his holorecorder up and tracking the duel as the two Force-users flung themselves acrobatically around the landscape. “It also does not count as conclusive proof that they are now or ever were sleeping with or in a romantic relationship with each other. You’re gonna need more explicit proof of that before you can claim that pool, vod.”


“Yeah, Maul called Ventress a homewrecker last time and that wasn’t enough either,” Fives snickered, keeping his blaster up and waiting for an opening to take another potshot at the Sith.


Wooley pouted at him. Echo couldn’t see it, but he knew it was there. Something about the tilt of the helmet. “I was definitely right about the timing though. I said he’d show up at our next engagement and I was right.


“Makes me wonder where the kriff he’s getting his intel. No way is he just guessing where we’re gonna be next with how often he shows up, that’s just statistically improbable,” Echo agreed.


“Big words there, vod, you hit your head or something?” The shit-eating grin in Fives’ voice made Echo want to reach out and smack him, so he did. The elbow he got to his ribs right between where chest and backplate met almost made him lose his grip on the holorecorder, but he managed to keep it trained on the fight without too much jostling or dropping it into the mud.


An offended screech drew their attention back to the two Force-users, and the three of them watched as Maul tried to hack the General, who was looking particularly smug, in half. 


“Well if they are exes, then no disrespect but the General needs better taste in partners,” Fives decided. “I don’t care how hot he is, that much homicidal mania can’t be good for you.”

“You think the Sith trying to kill the General is hot? ” Echo echoed incredulously.


Echo and Fives’ squabble devolved into a wrestling match, but Wooley snatched up the holorecorder before it could hit the ground and took over the filming himself. No way was he letting this go unrecorded; he still had a bet to win, and Bookie was a stickler about his “no holo means it didn’t happen” rule.