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Moving On

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Apollo and Starbuck took off for a walk. They were trying to give Kid and Heyes some room – and maybe get some privacy themselves for an intimate talk. It was obvious that they had secrets and no intentions of sharing them.

Kid Curry wasn’t in the mood to talk. He stood on the bank of the lake, staring into the middle distance.

Heyes approached him from behind and gently placed his arm around his partner’s waist.

Kid turned his head and faced him. A brief look into his Heyes’s eyes told him everything he had to know. Slowly he withdrew and took a step back.

“You still don’t remember me, do you?” he asked his partner softly.

“Like I told you before: my body does. Maybe my mind needs a mite longer. Ain’t that enough for now?”

“No, it ain’t.” Kid Curry straightened and took a deep breath. “Love and unconditional trust – that’s what we shared. You don’t trust me anymore. And I know, that you don’t remember our love. There’s a gap in your mind, that makes you feel lost and lonely and you’re trying to fill it with physical closeness. But without love all that is just – sex. It’s like having sex with a stranger, it’s meaningless! That’s not what I want, and that’s not what you should want, Heyes.” He paused and addressed his partner with a scrutinizing glance. “You still want to go?”

Heyes hesitated a moment before he nodded.

“Yeah. Maybe I have to. Figure things out on my own. Without all this.” He gestured towards the camp they shared with their companions ... lovers ... one off playmates ... whatever their relationship could be called.

“Then you better go,” Kid answered him, his voice rough and low. “And you better go fast.”

Surprised Heyes lifted his brow.

“You’re sure? I thought -”

“Maybe I was wrong,” Kid cut him off. Sadly, he shook his head. “I can’t stand it any longer, when you’re trying to fake memories or feelings for me. What will you do when your memory never returns? Will you lie to me forever?” He paused and took a deep breath. “Maybe you really need time for yourself. If - when - you remember me, you’ll remember how to find me, too. I’ll wait for you, Heyes.”

Blue eyes drank in his lover’s face as if he would see him the first time – or the last. Without thinking he raised his hand, about to cup Heyes’ cheek. Heyes could already feel its warmth, but the Kid drew it back just before his hand touched him.

“Farewell Heyes. Take care of yourself.” Kid Curry turned away again, facing the still lake, hiding the depths of pain it caused to him to let his partner go.

“Kid...” Heyes voice trailed off. Suddenly he didn’t know what to say anymore.

He turned around and headed for their resting place. He picked up his belongings, then threw a look back to his partner. He hadn’t moved a hairsbreadth and still showed him his back.

Slowly Heyes left the camp, turning around several times, hoping for another look from the man’s bright blue eyes - the one thing he couldn’t forget whether he was awake or asleep - the one anchor to his past.

But he hoped in vain. The blond didn't move; immobile, he stood barely breathing. He stood on the shore like a statue of ancient times - immovable and impassible.

When Heyes reached the edge of the forest he gave in, looked forward and strode boldly between the trees without turning back again.


When Apollo and Starbuck returned from their walk, Kid Curry stood on the shore facing the water. Heyes was nowhere in sight.

Cautiously Starbuck approached Kid, who didn’t even turn his head.

“Where is he?” he asked.



“I can’t cage him in. If he has to go, I have to let him leave.”

“And that’s it? You just let him go?” Starbuck asked in astonishment.

The Kid nodded.

“Will he return here?”

“I don’t know, but I hope he will return to me.”

“Then you won’t be waiting here for him?”


Starbuck frowned. “But how will he find you?”

“He’ll know. Maybe his mind doesn’t know it yet, but his heart will.”

“But what about you? What’ll you do now?”

“I’ll do, what I have to do. I’ll follow him. I’m just giving him a little head start, so he won’t notice me. He has no clue about the danger he’s heading for. I’ll be around to back him up and protect him. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t want me anymore, he doesn’t have to know about it.”

“But that’s madness! He still wants you; he just can’t remember it!” Starbuck said and raised his arm to lay it around Kid’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. But the Kid stopped him.

“Don’t!” The blond’s voice was icy cold.

Starbuck froze and slowly dropped his arm again.

“What is it, Kid?”

“I know it was an accident, but ... My love died in that lake. And he was with you when he did. Just ... just don’t touch me, alright?”

“He’s not dead. Maybe it’s just a matter of time. Is there some way we can help you?” Starbuck asked gently. “Help you get over it?”

“I won’t have to,” Kid murmured.

“What do you mean?” Starbuck asked, knitting his brow.

Kid Curry shot him a short glance.

“I don’t have to, if his memory returns.”

“And if not...?”

Kid Curry’s eyes panned the sparkling lake.

“It’s no easy task to keep him alive, even when he knows what he’s doing,” he told him. “It won’t take long until...” His voice trailed off.

“You mean...?”

“I meant it, when I said, I’d die for him. It will only be a matter of time.”

It occurred to Starbuck that their innocent game could bring death not only to one but to two men; men, he had grown to love. Again, his hand rose to comfort the other blond, but he stopped his attempt as soon as he noticed it.

As long as Heyes wasn’t his old self again, there wouldn’t be any comfort for Kid Curry.


Long days went by. Heyes still couldn’t remember, but he knew what he missed. He was only half of a man. There was a hole in his heart and his soul and he knew darn well who was supposed to fill it.

When he returned to the lake, the campsite was partly deserted. No trace of Curry left. No hint. His chest constricted.

For whatever reason Starbuck and Apollo were there, if they had remained or were paying another visit he couldn’t say and he didn’t care. All he cared about was the missing blond man he was looking for.

“Where is he?” he asked Starbuck

“He left not long after you did.”

“But where did he go?”

“He didn’t tell us.”

“He didn’t? But he told me, I’d find him! He’d be there if I remember!” Heyes called out desperately.

“Do you remember?” Starbuck asked him softly.

“Hell, no! As hard as I try, I can’t!” Heyes exclaimed. “But I know that he’s important. That I should be with him! I always was! Not one single flashback that turns up is without him!” He turned towards Apollo.

“Help me! Help me to find him!” he pleaded.

“We can’t,” Apollo said with regret. “It’s up to you.”

“But I can’t!” he ran his fingers through his thick, dark hair. “We shouldn’t have separated! Bad things happen when we do! Always!”

Suddenly an icy fist clenched his heart. It occurred to him that he might have lost him forever. The one anchor to his past. The one man he belonged to. Desperation shuck him.

“I have to find him! I’ll find a way!”

He flung himself onto his horse and spurred it. He searched the area, searched the region and half of the territory, but he couldn’t find any trace of the blond man by the name of “Kid”.

It took him weeks until he admitted to himself that there was no chance to find him that way. The unsuccessful search wore him out. He lost weight and over time desperation transformed into numb resignation.

One evening he reached a clearing, slipped off his horse and let the reins go. His legs failed him and he fell to his knees. The thought of his lost partner drove him out of his mind. He hadn’t been so long without him since...

His mind failed him again and he just shut his thoughts off. Eventually he let go the desperate attempt to regain his memory, gave in to the frightening silence and darkness that filled his head. The emptiness of his heart slowly crept into his mind, wiped it blank and cleared it.

And suddenly his memory returned - one picture and sensation after another – and he remembered, remembered everything! And he knew! Tears pushed up in his eyes. It was so simple! He didn’t even have to turn around.

“Kid...?” he whispered softly.

Silence answered him.

“Kid, I know you’re there...” he repeated and got up on his feet.

Something behind him changed. Smooth as a breeze his partner had moved, but Heyes knew he was there. He felt his warmth, his presence.

“Heyes...?” the blond outlaw breathed against his neck.

“Yeah, Kid...” he answered him. “I’m here. I remember.”

He turned around and drank him in: his figure, his face, his eyes; his hungry eyes filled with unspeakable love.

“You were where you ought to be; where you’re meant to be. And I didn’t know it. Can you forgive me, Kid ... Jed?” Cautiously he raised his hand about to touch the beloved face. “May I ...?”

“Heyes! Whatever you want!”

Gently Heyes’ hand touched Kid Curry’s cheek, slipped higher until the fingers ran through his honey-colored curls.

“Heavens, what could have happened?!” he whispered.

“It didn’t happen. I’m here.” Kid took him in his arms. Held him so close as if he wouldn’t ever let him go.

Their lips met ... gently at first, but growing more and more intense.

They eased down on the grass and loved each other nice and slow, not as if it was for the first time, but their last. They showed each other what it meant to be loved by the other in every meaning of the word, mirrored every single facet of their complex partnership over and over again - until the moon faded and the sun began to rise.

When the new day dawned, it found them tangled together, impossible to say where one man ended and the other one began. They shared the same breath and the same heartbeat, finally one again...