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Obsession

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Lom held him in his arms, felt his warmth, his body. For the first time they’d been together as true lovers. He still couldn’t believe, that finally it had happened. His heart overflowed with love. Gently he ran his fingers through his lover’s thick dark hair.

His thoughts went back in time. He remembered the day when it began...

It had happened in late September. Big Jim was leader of the Devil’s Hole Gang at that time. Heyes was still a young buck, reckless and so alive, but Big Jim appreciated his keen mind and witty plans and this one worked out like clockwork, at least until Hank had become lethargic and missed the approaching deputy.

They were already finished and about to leave, so they ran for their horses and were up and about when the shots rang out.

The missiles missed their targets except for one. The dark-haired youngster flinched when the bullet hit his back. Lom was close to him and saw what happened. When Heyes was about to fall from his horse he was at his side and grabbed him. They rode hell bent for leather. Despite the fast pace he jumped over to the young man’s horse and settled down behind him.

Heyes lay in his arms, panting heavily at first, but his breathing slowed and soon he was deadly calm. The slender body leaned heavily against Lom’s chest, the dark head rested on his shoulder and Lom couldn’t say for sure if he was dead or alive. All he knew was that he wanted him to be alive. Heyes’s hot blood soaked his own shirt, glued them together when it dried.

Whatever happened that night, it changed Lom’s life forever. He wanted to feel him in his arms again. But he didn’t dare approach him, he just watched him, was close to him even when Heyes became the leader of the gang. He backed him up when he needed it, secretly and unobtrusive, waiting for his time to come.

Until one sunny summer day Curry arrived. Lom knew that he had lost, the moment that both young men met. They knew each other, knew each other much too well. A new sun rose in Heyes’s life and the light it brought into his eyes was self-evident.

Lom stayed a while longer, still watching, still longing, until he finally couldn’t stand it anymore. So, he left the gang, left the outlaw-trail and became a lawman, hoping he would never see the beloved face again, that shone so brightly for someone else...

And then one fateful evening Heyes appeared in his office as if summoned by black magic, beaming his unbelievable smile at him.

He asked for the impossible – for himself and his friend, and Lom saw his chance, his only chance. When he couldn’t have his heart, he could at least have his body. Would he be desperate enough? Yes, he was. He hesitated and squirmed when he learned about Lom’s secret condition, his dark eyes wide in disbelief, but he agreed.

Lom couldn’t help himself: he wanted him, wanted him for much too long; wanted to hold him, feel him, love him, hoping that he’d learn to love him back and forget the blond-haired beauty that distracted his mind and would be gone as soon as the amnesty made it possible to lead an honest life.

The first time Heyes met him to pay his due, Lom watched him when he arrived. One thing he never did again.

When Heyes dismounted and took the first steps towards the house he looked like he was on his way to the gallows, his shoulders sunken down, his eyes downcast. Then his stance changed. His face went blank, his shoulders squared and suddenly he was the outlaw leader again, beautiful and strong.

Lom’s heart raced in his chest in anticipation of their time together.

But when they faced each other Heyes was deadly cold, the only thing alive were his big brown eyes. They were trained on him when he begged him to think over their arrangement, when he told him he’d always thought of him as a friend - a friend! – and still when his request was denied he asked tonelessly what Lom wanted him to do.

And Lom humiliated him that first time. Showed him who was in charge. He had him on his knees, forced him, took him possessively, hard and unrelenting, punishing both of them at the same time. His own heart wrenching while he yearned for more, so much more!

But his lover endured the procedure without giving away any sound or emotion. He stayed impassive until Lom finally let him off.

Heyes didn’t look at him as he dressed or as he left. When Lom warned him, not to miss their next date, he just froze and nodded but didn’t turn around. He left the cabin and mounted his horse, obviously in pain. His shoulders trembled and he winced when he spurred the animal and left the square.

Lom followed him with his eyes, not sure if he would see him ever again. He was feeling abominable and dirty; wasn’t sure what had made him do this. Love? Lust? Just an adulterated desire, dirty and mean? Whatever it was, in the end it wasn’t important. Without any doubt, he would call for him again, just to feel the beautiful, lean body once again. Hoping for a response, hoping for a little warmth, desperately hoping for love...