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Till Chirp Do Us Part

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Dex and Nursey had attended quite a few weddings over the few years they'd been out of Samwell. They were never too far away during the celebrations, from Jack and Bitty's wedding to Lardo and Shitty's, where closeness was a good thing because Shitty had started crying as soon as Lardo began her vows. Nursey had to give him his handkerchief. Chowder and Farmer's wedding had been mostly small, but that was because Chowder couldn't decide which of them would be his best man, and so they decided not to have a wedding party.

They'd gotten the invitation to Niagra Falls months back to celebrate Ransom's graduation from medical school and RSVP'd immediately. But as soon as they got to what they thought was supposed to be the party, they found out that it was actually their wedding. Holster had told everyone that they didn't want anything formal and, "Honestly, this is our way of celebrating Ransom's graduation." He put an arm around Ransom. "So, like, Bro? When we're finally married, I can retire, and you can make the money?"

Ransom just looked at him. "Do you know how much I owe in student loans?"

"Fuck," Holster said. Student loans were something most all of them had to deal with. Dex sighed as Holster looked at Jack and punched him in the arm. "There's a bonus for winning the cup, right, Jack?"

Jack just smiled at him.

When they were finally ready, the staff brought out a bunch of folding chairs and a makeshift altar, and everyone took their seats. Nursey and Dex took seats in the back next to Chowder, and Dex couldn't help the smile on his face when Nursey swept his hand up and pulled it close.

"I can't believe they're finally getting married!" Chowder whispered. "It's been, like, ages." He turned to Nursey and Dex, who turned away from the ceremony for a split second. "What about you two? When are you getting married?"

Dex felt the blush as it crept up his neck. But instead of answering, Nursey just leaned close and kissed his cheek, which still earned an "Aww!" from Chowder.

None of them realized how loud Chowder had been until the officiant, a cheerful cherub of a woman, cleared her throat and said, "As I was saying..." But it was Ransom's pointed finger and his quiet, "FINE!" that got everyone laughing.

The ceremony continued without further interruption. There was a short homily, and Nursey again squeezed Dex's hand in his. "Do you want to get married?" Nursey asked, and Dex practically glared at him. "I mean not right now or anything. It's just..." He gazed into Dex's eyes, Dex practically losing himself in the warm green staring back at him. "You're my Boo. And it's not like we've talked about it or anything. But I'd like to..."

"And now for the vows," the officiant said as Dex searched for the words to whisper back to Nursey. But up at the altar, as Holster started quoting Broadway lyrics as his vows, Dex pulled Nursey's hands close and dropped a kiss across the knuckles.

"I, William Jacob Poindexter, take thee, Derek Malik Nurse, to be my awful wedded husband. To have and to grope. From this day until you're sick of me. For better or for worse, even when babysitting my baby cousins that love to vomit all over your expensive sweaters-"

"Hey, I liked that sweater! I had no idea kids could projectile vomit formula from three feet away!"

"Shut up, Nurse, I'm trying to say my vows!" Dex smiled and had to lean forward for a kiss. "Let's see. In health, and most of the time in sickness except when you get really, really whiney. To love, cherish, and ravish your ass - and have my ass ravished in return, for as long as you'll have me. Or at least until you decide to kick me out of bed for snoring-"

"So you admit that you snore!" Nursey turned to Chowder. "Hey, C. C! You heard-"

He didn't get to finish his thought before they heard a, "Shhhh!"

Nursey turned to look at him, and Dex just smiled. "Your turn," he said.

At first, Nursey look blustered. "I don't know what to say," he whispered.

"My boyfriend, the poet laureate nominee, at a loss for words," Dex whispered.

"Okay, okay," Nursey replied. "I, Derek Malik Nurse, take thee, my pain in the ass-"

"Hey!" Dex said as loud as he dared.

"Shut up, it's my turn. Anyway, my pain in the ass, William Jacob Poindexter, to be my ginger-haired, freckle covered husband. To have and to hold. To snuggle up next to on the couch when we watch scary movies. To pretend not to be annoyed when you steal all the blankets at night."

Will couldn't help but smile at that. And yes, he was completely guilty of it.

"To conspire against you when your brother decides to get you back for the last prank."


"And to also promise to conspire with you when you decide to get him back. I promise to kiss you every morning, even when you have morning breath. And kiss you every night at bedtime, even if you've eaten way too many onions on your pizza."

"That was like one time, Nurse."

"To honor. To love. And to make fun of for as long as you'll put up with me. Till death do us part, so help me, God."

"So help me, God? This isn't swearing an oath at jury duty, Nursey."

"Shut up, they're my vows, okay?"

Dex stared at his boyfriend, both of them grinning like loons as the wedding continued up at the alter. "I find these terms acceptable," he finally said. He reached out his right hand. "Shake on it?"

"As do I," Nursey replied, "but screw a handshake." And with that, he leaned forward.

What happened next occurred so fast that neither had time to react. Nursey had leaned in to get a kiss to seal the deal, but, clumsy as he was, fell out of his chair and into Dex's lap. The sudden weight was too much for the folding chair, and Dex suddenly found himself lying on the ground, with Nursey on top of him. But it was simultaneously as Ransom had finished his vows and the officiant declared Ransom and Holster husbands, so most people missed it for the clapping.

And they would have continued to miss it if Chowder hadn't been laughing quite so loud. Or when they finally drew everyone's attention, Bitty didn't loudly declare, "Oh my word, you two. Don't make me go get the hose!"