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Dr Who Crack Crossover Drabble #9

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It was a quiet morning at the Bayview Retirement Village. It was a pleasant spring day with a cool breeze. Most of the residents were already at breakfast, happily chatting amongst themselves and eating their oatmeal.

The one exception was the perpetually scowling and abrasive Diana Trent sitting alone at her table in the corner. There was only one person she could stand eating with and he was late. She repeatedly glanced over the top of her book at the dining room door. “Where is the daft old coot?”

Back at their shared patio, a loud siren pierced the air. A second later, the TARDIS materialized next to Tom Ballard’s back door. He stepped out with a huge smile on his face. “You’ve got it right this time,” he called cheerfully over his shoulder. “Well done, Doctor.”

The Doctor, with the wild white hair and flashy clothes, followed Tom out. He looked around and gave a sheepish smile of his own. “I apologize for some of the wrong turns it took to get you back. This is the morning after you left.”

Tom shook his head adamantly. His eyes flashed in excitement. “No trouble at all. It was jolly good fun.”

“Fun,” Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart echoed incredulously, slipping out of the TARDIS to stand at the Doctor’s side. “You call running from prehistoric monsters and almost being killed by the daleks fun?”

“Oh, yes, just like Journey to the Center of the Earth with the added bonus of metal baddies. It was much better than my trips to Tahiti, ancient Troy, the Himalayas, or Versailles,” Tom gushed. He rubbed his hands together. “Jane Russell liked the beach, did you know that?”

The Doctor chuckled, by this time very well aware of Tom’s epic tales. “No, we didn’t.”

“A wonderful girl.” Tom smirked and strutted back and forth in the small patio area. “She couldn’t keep her hands off me.” He struck a pose like a classical Greek statue. He stuck his chin out proudly. “She only wanted me for my body.”

Lethbridge-Stewart snorted. “You’re a regular Cary Grant.”

Tom beamed. “That’s wonderful of you to say.” He suddenly sighed and his shoulders slumped. “I probably should apologize for wandering into your TARDIS.”

Before the Doctor could reply, Tom’s gloom lifted as swiftly as it descended. “But I’m not sorry. It was enormous fun.”

The Doctor couldn’t help but laugh again. He held his hand out. “I’m afraid that we must be going. Goodbye, Tom. Take care of yourself.”

Tom enthusiastically pumped the Doctor’s hand up and down. “Goodbye, Doctor.” He grabbed Lethbridge-Stewart’s hand and did the same. “Goodbye, Brigadier.”

The TARDIS disappeared right before Diana’s voice boomed through the air. “Tom! Tom! Where are you?!”

Tom stared at the spot where the TARDIS had been for a moment before answering, “Out here!”

Diana hobbled out and glared at him. “You overslept and missed breakfast.”

“No, I didn’t,” Tom sing-songed.

She set her cane to the side and sank into her favorite chair. “Not that you missed much. Oatmeal so thin, you could eat it through a straw.”

He danced around her. “I didn’t oversleep.”

She rolled her eyes. “I see. You were on another one of your jaunts. Where were you this time? Tunneling out of a POW camp with Dickie and the rest of the chaps, having a beach party with Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe, organizing another ascent of Everest, fighting Franco in Spain…” Her stony gaze cracked a slight bit around the eyes. “Come on, don’t keep me in suspense.”

He took the chair across from her. He eagerly leaned forward and lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I was on Skaro with the Doc and the Brig. We were fighting the daleks.”

One end of Diana’s mouth quirked up. “This is a new one.”


Lethbridge-Stewart stood at the TARDIS console, next to the Doctor. He shook his head in disbelief. “He’s daft.”

The Doctor snickered. “Perhaps a little, but you saw where he lives. Do you blame him for going off into adventures in his head? He’s harmless and I’m sure he’s great at parties.”

“I don’t mean that,” Lethbridge-Stewart growled. “I mean getting chased by daleks is fun. I really must find you a new assistant, one that will like…” he waved an arm to encompass the TARDIS. “…all of this.”

The Doctor shrugged. “There’s no accounting for taste.” He playfully nudged Lethbridge-Stewart with his elbow. “Why didn’t you give old Tom the secrecy speech?”

Lethbridge-Stewart didn’t answer right away. He turned to face the Doctor and cracked a smile. “I knew that it wouldn’t do any good. Besides, he likes to tell tales. No one will believe him.”

The Doctor rested his hands on the Brigadier’s hips. He leaned closer. “I should be getting us back, but…” He let his voice trail off suggestively.

Lethbridge-Stewart’s mustache twitched. “But we could both use a couple days to recuperate.”

The Doctor arched his eyebrows. “Exactly. No problems. I shall still be able to return us to a point in time only a few minutes after we left.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

The Doctor pressed his body against the Brigadier’s and nipped just below his ear. “My dear fellow, you should have more faith.”