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Exquisite Agony

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(based on Kathy Brown's fic "Dirty Little Secret")by
Diena Taylor

The gnawing ache getting worse by the hour
Almost time for my. well.
It's a secret that no one else knows
And no one else will. Ever.
It's something that's all my own
And can never be taken from me
Like so many things have.

An exquisite agony
The wonderful pain
Knowing no one can stop me
And whatever I want I can have
Because this power within me is
Well, it's. hard to explain
And I won't even try.

How can you understand
The rush and the thrill of
Obtaining perfection and
Seeing the pounds slip away
One by one, knowing each is
Another old part of your life
Disappearing - and you're glad.

But then when you go out
At night and you try so damn hard
To keep yourself from dying
And your efforts are foiled by
Your body, which has ideas
Of its own - and they don't
Involve you staying healthy.

Into the dark you continue to fall
And the thrill has lost its charm
You don't like it anymore
But it's a choice you no longer have
To make for yourself, but it's still
Your own little secret.
Can you keep a secret?
I can.