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Title: Steve's.....Revenge?

Co-written by nadriede_cede and tiaoconnell

Category: Coupling (the BBC 30 min sit-com)

Warning: spanking, language, sexual references

Disclaimner: We don't own this, we are just visiting and playing for our own amusement.

Author Notes: 1) We are making up Susan's little secret that Steve discovers 2) This will make better sense if you have seen the show, as this is an alternate ending to episode four of seaon one called "Inferno" 3) No, the American version is not the same, it sucks


Co-written by nadriede_cede and tiaoconnell


Steve finished his shower for the night and walked into Susan's room with a towel around his waist. Tonight had been horrible and wonderful at the same time. He had told Susan, inadveredly at first, but then officially made it clear that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, which was a wonderful and amazing thing.

But that video---he really could slap himself for not putting that away. The worst of it all was how she had made him defend that video in front of Sally and Jane and Jill and Patrick and and Jeff! In front of them all he had to try and prove he wasn't a wanker. It had been so embarrassing. And rather maddening. But he knew how Susan was and he loved her for it, so he ignored it as just one of those 'couple issues'

He smiled as he watched Susan change into the skimpy tank top and pantie set that she had dozens of to sleep in. His smile got wider as her backside came into view....

She felt him staring at her and quickly turned around and finished pulling her panites up, depriving him of the view. "Sorry, you've already seen MY naked bottom." She said, flashing him a grin that was half mean and half sassy. "Must not be very exciting for you. Not anymore, that is."

Steve groaned. "Susan, when are you going to let this go? I'm sorry, ok? You satisfy me wonderfully, but I have to do something when I miss you! I'm a bloke, it's what we do! Do you have to be so mean? If anyone should be in a right upset state, it should be me! I was humiliated tonight Susan! And I only put up with it and didn't walk out on you because I love you....and not the 3 second pause love you"

"Oh Steve, grow up! you blokes deserve a good roasting now and then!" Susan half snapped. "Besides, what are you going to do, spank me? Oops, wait, we're not a lesbian inferno *sorry*" she said sarcastically

Steve looked hurt for a moment, then pulled himself back together again and looked at her. He took her hands and pulled her close, until their faces were only a few inches apart. "Hmm, why do *I* get the feeling you are disappointed that we aren't a lesbian inferno. I for one would love to have that chance to give your bottom a smack or two" He wasnt serious of course, but he loved the shocked and half horrified look on her face as he first suggested it.

She was shocked for a moment, then she smirked. "Oh, so you want to be a lesbian with me?" She asked dryly, rolling her eyes. "You can be called Stevania."

"No, I don't want to be a lesbian with you Susan. I have no desire to be a woman, I just like *watching* women. There is a large difference. But as Steve and not anyone else, I would love a chance to smack your bottom, as Susan and not any other girl, lesbian or otherwise."

Susan rolled her eyes as she pulled away from him. "Whatever." She said as she began pulling the covers back on the bed. She crawled in when she was done. "I'm not going to make your stupid porn movie a reality, Steve." She growled.

"My stupid porn movie?" he nearly snorted. "Try your not so well hidden 'magazine' love. Oh, and those dozen or so books that you keep right under the edge of your bed...."

Susan turned bright red and fought back a dirty look. "Watching all those lesbians has rotted your brain." She sniffed. "The one upstairs, anyway."

Steve laughed loudly. "Don't you dare deny it Susan! You pulled those shoes out from under the bed for that funeral and they came along with them and you didn't even notice! I however, had a grand time looking through them while you became more stunning then I even believed possible for some dead battleax aunt that isn't even mine. I'm not making fun of you, I'm saying, you're not really one to talk...."

Her face flamed red and she hurled a pillow at him, which struck him in the gut. "You are such an arse!" She snarled, angry and embarrassed now.

He caught the pillow and sighed, sitting beside her, still in the towel. "Now now Susan, I'm not going to tell anyone. I wouldn't do that. And I know there is a difference-- I was watching women spanking each other, and you like stories and magazines with a bloke spanking a woman." He leaned closed and kissed her passionately, then pulled away. "Tell me you haven't fantasized about it one teeny bit," he said softly "You might me surprised at how I'd respond to it..."

Susan stared at him in shock and horror. She pushed him back a little. "Don't be stupid." She hissed. "Of course I haven't. And those books and magazines aren't mine anyway. I'm...holding them for a friend that lives at home with her parents, and doesn't feel comfortable keeping them in her room."

She crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a smug look, then stuck her tongue out at him. "So there, you big wanker."

"And what friend would that be? The only women you are ever with are Jane and Sally!" Steve shook his head. "Now look here Susan, I'm trying to help you here! If there's something you want, you just have to tell me, or I'll have to make my own conclusions...."

"I'm not telling you what friend, because she'd be embarassed. And you can come to whatever conclusions you want to. I could care less about what you think! And if you don't like it, go watch your inferno ladies! Since they're better then me anyway!"

"I don't want to watch the damned video! I want you Susan! You are going to be the one I stay with for the rest of my life. Not some lesbian porn stars getting their jollies by making blokes have solo flights! Now tell me Susan--- please. After all I went through at the dinner party trying to justify why I would watch that video, you can't tell me one thing, just between the two of us?"

He reached out to gently stroke her cheek. "Susan--- can't you trust me? Haven't I proved how much I love you today?"

She continued to stare at him, and for a moment she looked close to tears. Then suddenly she got her stubborn look back and pushed his hand away. "Fine!" She snapped. "I do fantisize about it, okay?! I do! But so help me Steve, if you tell anyone I'll.....I'll.....burn all your porn movies, and put an ad in the paper saying you love lesbians and you fantasize about them spanking you!"

Steve's jaw dropped. Thank heavens it wouldn't be much of a problem to keep his mouth shut--Jeff was the one with that problem. "Hmm, I think that was rather rude," he said softly. "You have been in a right snitty mood today Susan. And I won't have it. Do you know what I'm going to do?" he whispered. He hoped this was turning her on as much as it was turning him on!!

Susan rolld her eyes. "Go play wanker in front of the tv while you watch your independent filmmakers?" She asked dryly. She was starting to feel turned on, but she was fighting it with all the strength she had, as she was still embarrassed that her secret was out in the open.

"No" he began to trail kisses down her neck. "I'm going to spank your delicious naked bottom...."

She slapped lightly at his head while her heart jumped in her throat. "You must certainly are not!" She exclaimed.

He smiled and stole a kiss from her lips. "I most certainly am" Without much of a struggle from the very shocked Susan, Steve leaned her over his lap, and rubbed her panty-clad cheeks.

"And to let you know--and I *always* excited to see your naked bottom. I like yours much better then any other I've seen. That is why I must compare them all so I can feel superior because I know my girlfriend has the nicest"

Her face turned bright red, both from the compliment and the postion she was now in. "Steve!" She howled, trying to wiggle off his lap. "You're not serious! Let me up!"

"I am very serious." Just having her over his lap in her panties and...... well, that wasn't quite the task at hand. "you've been bad susan" he lifted his hand and gave her a light smack on her left cheek, followed by one on her right. They really weren't hard enough to hurt---yet.

Susan then let out a shrill squeal, and it was such a interesting sound that Steve had to laugh. "Don't you dare laugh at me!" Susan snapped, struggling a bit harder now. Her heart was pounding in excitment and her inner self was telling her to shut up and let the man do his work, but her stubborn and independent mind screamed at her to fight him! "Let me up!" She insisted again. "Don't you dare hit me again!"

"Ah ah ah, not until the spankings over..." he commetned, clearly enjoying himself. He smiled stupidly and smacked her bottom again, SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK Another two light spanks for each of her cheeks.

"STEVE!" She howled, totally shocked and embarrassed. "Stop! Why are you doing this to me?!?!"

"You can't tell me Susan, honestly, or even kid yourself that those magazines and such were just there and not for any specific reason. You *want* to be spanked, I bet you've dreamed about lots of blokes spanking your arse. Well, I'm the bloke to do it, because if we ARE going to be together for the rest of our lives, I want to know what turns you on, so that I can get turned on too and that we can have wild night that all our friends would be insanely jealous of. And if it makes you feel any better--I never would have done this to Jane. Not in this or any other life time!"

"Why would THAT make me feel any better?!?! Personally I think it would have done her a world of good. It still would, actually!"

Steve laughed long and hard over that, until the point the neighbor banged to tell them to shut up. "Oh Susan, I have never thought of it that way." He kissed the back of her head. "Just trust me, hmm? I didn't watch all that porn for *nothing* you know!" He began a steady rythym of light smacks to her backside, making her bottom bounce in her little skimpy white panties.

For a moment she remained angry, but suddenly she decided to go with it. The turn on was beginning to be too much not to. "You can start spanking any time you want to, Wanker." She said, taking a shot at his feeble smacks. "Ooops, I mean Steve. Or is it Steveania?"

SMACK That got her a much harder spank. "My name is Steve" SMACK "Not anything else, *especially* SMACK Steveania!" SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

Susan jumped and yelped in surprise. Those had stung! "Well excuse me, Steve wanker boy." She huffed, trying to stick her hand back to rub her bottom, even though it wasn't stinging that bad.

"I said, my name is STEVE" He punctuated each word with a sharp smack to her lower cheeks. SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK "YOu are really having a listening problem aren't you? Maybe I can help you concentrate better."

He slapped her hand away and after a few seconds of struggling, had tugged her super tight panties down to her knees. "Feeling a slight bit more attentive at all?" He paused to rub her cheeks, which were a slight shade of pink.

She gritted her teeth. Those last few smacks had hurt worse then the ones before. "I am attentive enough to know that I am with a lesbian loving wanker!" She said, in her proud, stubborn voice. "And pull my panties back up, please." She added.

"hmm, wrong answer" SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK "Let's see how many colors you can turn hmm?" He teased devilishly.

Susan groaned, mainly from pleasure, but also from frusteration. "Can wankers turn lots of colors fast?" She pondered out loud.

"Probably, but we're not interested in wankers right now. We're interested in your lovely naked bottom which I thankfully don't have to light a fire to see in the dark!" He continued to spank away at her bottom, watching the cheeks turn more and more pink until they were rosy and glowing.

Susan bit down on her lower lip and squirmed in his lap, loving the sting more then she should. Trying not to whimper, she reached back and began to rub her backside, and was amazed at how hot it felt. "You ARE lighting a fire, it seems." She said dryly.

Steve caught her hand and kissed it before pinning it to her back. "I wasn't talking about that kind of fire, but yes, I am doing quite a good job of it if I do say!" He could tell she was enjoying herself by the way she squirmed.

"Such a naughty darling" he scolded, resuming spanking her again, faster and harder this time, even getting her sit spot and the tops of her thighs. This was better then ANY erotica!!

Susan yelped again and squirmed harder, her free hand clutching his pant leg, crumpling the material. "I am not naughty!" She protested, but her tone was soft.

"Oh yes you are Susan! You humiliated me! Instead of talking it over, you told all your friends and then made me tell all OUR friends all about it! That was *naughty* Susan, and I'm angry" Anger was the furthest thing from his mind actually, but that was what he said as he continued to spank her, the smacks growing harder and faster each time he spoke it seemed. He watched in fascination as her bottom turned red and bounced under his hand. God her arse was beautiful!!

Susan wailed in surprise and began to kick her legs. "But I had to tell them!" She protested. "When men who have girlfriends watch porn movies, it means they aren't happy with the relationship, and that they aren't getting what they need! I was afraid that you were going to dump me, so I was upset and I had to share it with someone!"

"Then share with ME" Steve told her SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK "But that's beside the point" SMACK "are you a good girl yet, hmm? You're getting awfully warm back here" he teased SMACK

She began to sniffle, ignoring his question. "I couldn't share it with you!" She wailed, getting close to tears.

"Susan, you can share anything with me!" he said honestly. "You shared about the video when you found it! You shared about you and Jeff " SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

"So! I couldn't share this with you!" She insisted, wiggling very hard now.

"Well now you know you can!" SMACK SMACK SMAKC SMAKC SMACK "And I'm bloody well enjoying myself in case oyu hadn't realized!" SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

She finally stared to cry. "I'm glad you are!" She howled between her tears. "And I couldn't share this with you because you weren't bloody home, you wanker!"

"Do you have to keep calling me that?" With a final mighty SSSMMMAAACCCKKK he stopped and turned her rightside up in his lap, letting her bottom hang between his legs as he kissed her tears away. "Come now, I can tell you loved that" he whispered

She sniffled loudly and threw her arms around his neck, burying her face against it and continued to cry. She held him tight and sobbed, and she had to admit that it felt good to cry. She didn't do it very often, and every once in a while it truly felt nice to let it all out.

He rubbed her back and murmured sweet things in her ear that he would later deny ever uttering---as if Jeff needed more fuel for his unusual fire anyway!

She cried for a few more minutes, then slowly began to calm down. When she trusted herself to speak, she whispered softly, "Thank you."

He kissed her softly, holding her close. "You're welcome. I think I'm ready for bed...." he let his eyes fill in the rest of that sentence.

She looked up at him, a few stray tears streaming down her face. "Do you think this will be something we'll do again?" She asked, blushing slightly.

He kissed the tears from her face one last time and said quietly. "Oh yes" A moment later they were under the covers, creating their own inferno---one without lesbians.